From San Francisco via Tokyo: Destination My Heart

    In The Achievement of Desire Rodriguez states that scholarship students "[are] haunted by the knowledge that one chooses to become a student…education is not an inevitable or natural step in growing up". If you subscribe to that belief, then how would you explain a child's desire to learn any and everything about the lives their parents lead? Education of one sort or another is the natural progression in child development. But perhaps the core of the issue lies in Rodriguez’s disdain for his own cultural heritage and background, along with Hoggart’s assumptions regarding lower-class children and their lives at home. I was never forced to separate myself from my culture in order to pursue my education – I made a choice to make them both a part of my life, a part of me – and I believe this to be true of most students in this day and age.

    In my life, in particular, the line between culture and education was blurry at best. Education seemed to be part and parcel with my culture. I was an only child and my mother was a teacher; there were always learning materials present in the small apartment we lived in. However my mother was still my mother; I didn't think of her in the same space that I thought of my own classroom teachers. Unlike Rodriguez, I was not upset by the differences that lay between the two. Perhaps I simply had a better understanding that teachers are just people, not replacement parents to idolize and imitate.

    I was never a quiet child, even in preschool. I always questioned, always wanted to know why. This, I believe, helped to prevent me from becoming the sort of blind following of authority that Rodriguez displayed in his younger years in the classroom, and even as an adult in college classes. I was brought up to believe that there were usually more than one right answer – and if you only heard one, you should make sure the other(s) were not being ignored or dismissed. I was inspired and influenced by my family to be an active participant in my education (in return, I always asked my mother for help with assignments – be it a costume for drama, a poster for world history or just a better understanding of California’s missions and their history). I was proud of my mother, her education and her status as a teacher (I once demanded that the local school board give her ample time to speak at a meeting, exclaiming “Don’t you know who this is?! This is Ms. Napier, a great teacher!” – I doubt I was older than 8). As a result, I was also proud of myself for being the child of such a wonderful woman and I wanted to continue what I viewed to be her tradition – learning all the time in any way possible.

Similar to Rodriguez, I read a great deal during my elementary school years. There were always books around; I would often read for hours at a time after school, during dinner (this annoyed my mother, if I recall) and in bed. These books were pursued on my own time and followed my own interests – I did not have trouble with disagreeing with a teacher’s opinion regarding a book or assignment (I once wrote a paper on why My Ántonia was not a good book to assign inner-city 8th grade students – I received an A). I was still a social and active child outside of the classroom; I didn't feel any different from my family or my peers. When I learned that not every child enjoyed reading, it boggled my mind. Classmates who would grudgingly read books for school assignments or to please their parents confused me even more. I took pride in my learning but I was never pressured or forced into it; I was always encouraged to go out and play, be social, interact with my peers. Different from Rodriguez’s decision to withhold “any mention of what mattered most…the extraordinary experience of first-learning”, it never occurred to me to horde it as some sort of treasure waiting to be pilfered by others. Anything I enjoyed, I wanted to share with my loved ones.

    As I grew older I learned to incorporate my education with my life and what I defined as “my culture”. On the playground I was accused of “talking white” – but I took it all in stride, and I did not allow the negatives to affect me. I was still happy to come home and tell my mother all about my good grades, to obtain trophies at the end of the school year, to speak in school assemblies. Even the occasional mean – spiritedness of my fellow students Perhaps part of the reason is that there was never a sense of “where you come from isn’t good enough” as it may have been during the era that Rodriguez was being educated. Some schools touted African –American middle to lower-class culture than others, but I was never made to feel that I stood out because of my background. If anything, in my school environment and at home I was encouraged to “be myself” first and foremost, constantly question the system and learn on my own, for my own reasons.

    Even in high school, where personal culture was more prevalent than before (I attended high school in a predominately Latino community), I felt comfortable in my own skin. Rodriguez states that “if the scholarship boy, from a past so distant from the classroom, could remain in someway unchanged, he would be able to prove that it is possible for anyone to become educated without basically changing from the person one was…education requires radical self-reformation”. All things considered, I feel that I remained true to myself while pursuing my studies and proved his theory wrong. My life did not revolve around school but it was always a very important part. I was myself first and a student second…a good, driven student with great ambitions (disappointed to learn that I had to wait until junior year in high school to apply to the National Honor Society). I planned on going on to college – not too far, as I love my mother and wanted to stay close – but unfortunately some things didn’t work out quite the way I was planning at that age.

    As a working adult, school became a dream for me. I was proud when strangers and coworkers would assume that I was in college (or had already graduated) and waited for the chance to make that dream a reality. I knew it was going to be expensive, so I did the best I could on my own time. I read books on history, science and culture and tried to keep my Spanish more or less intact (I failed a bit in this regard). I worked in offices and coffee shops and bookstores yet still maintained the air of an educated young woman. It was who I was – who I am still! But it was my choice to become this way. I was not forced to create an engulfing division between myself and my family (the only culture I’ve ever known, for I have learned that I am not the typical young African-American woman from my hometown) – to the opposite, my family has always encouraged my education and assisted me in all of my goals involving schooling. Had I chosen to continue working instead of pursing the opportunity to attend college at the end of last year (when I received my letter of acceptance), the choice, simply, would have been mine – I would have received support from my family either way.

    Rodriguez grew up and attended parochial schools in Sacramento during the 1950s – times have changed. Students are encouraged to embrace their personal and family heritage, regardless of the culture it is based in. Most teachers will no longer tell students that they are “losing all trace of an accent” at such a young age. Classes are designed to help children to grow and learn about themselves, about their families and their cultural heritage, about the world at large – this is a very different setting than the one he paints in The Achievement of Desire. Hoggart, and in turn Rodriguez, insist that their ideas on how the “scholarship boy” thinks and perceives the world is, simply put, the way things are. So how would they explain me? A college student at the age of 23 I am not parroting my peers or my teachers, but incorporating the ideas I am taught with ideas of my own. I adjusted well to classroom living without destroying parts of myself and my interaction with family. I may not have been the type of student to take notes during a visiting speaker’s presentation in class, but I thrived with my education and incorporated it within my own life, instead of allowing it to dictate who I am, part and parcel. I am a scholarship girl – in touch with both my educated intelligence and my culture – which is exactly the way I chose it. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Real life 009

I cannot do this in complete sentences for some reason.  Perhaps because I know that it isn't really read anymore?  Anyway:

• I worked at Lush Fresh Cosmetics in San Francisco for a while.  Left the job as of last Friday.  Fun stuff, lovely product.
• I move to Mills College on Tuesday. Classes start on Wednesday.
• I have a savings account, but still not much money.
• I've been utterly unable to sleep.
• I took several photos this winter of the Dickens Fair and the trip I took to the Eastern Sierras with my mother.

So how is everyone else?

• 12:25 YAY! Today is buying a beanbag chair, selling my old Gameboy SP and randomness, I'm sure. Oh and I should start packing my stationery. #
• 18:08 I drove her home when she died; sexy suicide. #
• 18:09 Please help my minicity grow! Link:luzoria.myminicity.com/ #

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• 01:31 It's nearly 1:30am. Going to try sleeping. Goodnight! #
• 16:52 Stuff done, photos uploaded...now to attack the closet of doom! #
• 16:52 Stuff done, photos uploaded...now to attack the closet of doom! #

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• 03:50 @ozreiuosn: That reminded me to download the electric sheep screensaver. #
• 04:20 Alright. Nearly 4:20am. I will attempt sleep. #
• 13:02 Ok. Housing claims they never got my information. WTF school. #
• 15:11 Ok. Going to Kinko's and Costco. Running a ton of errands. Bleh. #
• 15:11 I say "OK" at lot when I feel like I'm about to have a breakdown. #

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• 00:32 @ #
• 00:36 awake for now. Damnit. #
• 18:17 Holy migraine batman! #
• 20:29 @ozreiuosn: Dunno where that is... #
• 20:59 Turn around, had enough, pcik and choose or pass it on. #
• 21:01 I thought I, I was above you. I hate that I love you. #

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• 19:01 I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm terribly, terribly bored. #
• 19:02 @ozreiuosn: I got you something extra (Honey flavored lip balm) and I'll eat the cost. #

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• 08:32 luzoria.myminicity.com/ #
• 21:00 Sometimes I feel a little bit like a failure when I want to take off the corset 12 hrs later. #
• 21:16 Hmmm...DOMO or WoW? I think I'll pick WoW...more money, better stuff and more likely to have a friend or 3 online. #
• 21:20 YAY Patch Notes: Boat/Zepplin Vendors & NPCs are back on duty! I loved the boat NPCs. #

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• 00:58 Disconnect/And self-destruct/One bullet/At a time #
• 00:58 Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence #
• 14:00 Holy heck it's slow today. Who would be on Union St. in this weather? #

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